Hilarious And Cringeworthy Dad Jokes
#1 Why don’t some fish play piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
#2 I’m on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
#3 I used to play a lot of hide and seek when I was younger.
I still do, but I used to, too.
#4 I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.
It’s impossible to put down.
#5 Parallel lines have so much in common.
It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
#6 I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia.
She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
#7 What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
#8 What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
“Supplies!”
#9 What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
#10 I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
#11 What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite.
#12 What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog?
Frostbite.
#13 Why did the math book look sad?
Because it had too many problems.
#14 I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don’t know y.
#15 Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she will let it go.
#16 How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
#17 What did the grape do when he got stepped on?
He let out a little wine.
#18 I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
#19 What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
#20 I invented a new word:
plagiarism.
#21 What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
#22 Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
#23 I’m reading a book on the history of glue.
I can’t seem to put it down.
#24 How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut.
#25 I used to play a lot of tennis, badminton, and volleyball, but then I realized I wasn’t really cut out for those games.
They were just not my racket.
#26 I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
#27 What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved.
#28 I would avoid the sushi if I were you.
It’s a little fishy.
#29 I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.
I’m just doing it for kicks.
#30 What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
Dam.
#31 What do you call a factory that makes good products?
A satisfactory.
#32 How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
#33 I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
#34 What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
#35 I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
#36 Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
#37 What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
“Do you smell carrots?”
#38 Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two-tired!
#39 Want to hear a joke about construction?
I’m still working on it.
#40 I’m a big fan of whiteboards.
I find them quite re-markable.
#41 What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
#42 How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
#43 I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don’t know y.
#44 What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
#45 I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.
It’s impossible to put down.
#46 How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
#47 I used to play a lot of hide and seek when I was younger.
I still do, but I used to, too.
#48 I’m on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
#49 I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia.
She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
#50 What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
“Supplies!”
#51 What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
#52 I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
#53 What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite.
#54 What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog?
Frostbite.
#55 Why did the math book look sad?
Because it had too many problems.
#56 I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don’t know y.
#57 Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she will let it go.
#58 How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
#59 What did the grape do when he got stepped on?
He let out a little wine.
#60 I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
#61 What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
#62 I invented a new word:
plagiarism.
#63 What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
#64 Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
#65 I’m reading a book on the history of glue.
I can’t seem to put it down.
#66 How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut.
#67 I used to play a lot of tennis, badminton, and volleyball, but then I realized I wasn’t really cut out for those games.
They were just not my racket.
#68 I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
#69 What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved.
#70 I would avoid the sushi if I were you.
It’s a little fishy.
#71 I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.
I’m just doing it for kicks.
#72 What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
Dam.
#73 What do you call a factory that makes good products?
A satisfactory.
#74 How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
#75 I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
#76 What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
#77 I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
#78 Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
#79 What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
“Do you smell carrots?”
#80 Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two-tired!
#81 Want to hear a joke about construction?
I’m still working on it.
#82 I’m a big fan of whiteboards.
I find them quite re-markable.
#83 What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
#84 How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
#85 I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don’t know y.
#86 What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
#87 I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.
It’s impossible to put down.
#88 How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
#89 I used to play a lot of hide and seek when I was younger.
I still do, but I used to, too.
#90 I’m on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
#91 I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia.
She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
#92 What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
“Supplies!”
#93 What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
#94 I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
#95 What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite.
#96 What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog?
Frostbite.
#97 Why did the math book look sad?
Because it had too many problems.
#98 I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don’t know y.
#99 Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she will let it go.
#100 How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.